Hummers Owners = Clueless

So while driving around Boca I spotted the below vehicle and was immediately shocked and appalled.
Hummers are a constant in Boca Raton, as a matter of fact, you would be hard pressed to throw a Bluetooth headset and somehow not hit a Hummer or at the very least a lexus. I’ll admit, the Hummer H2 and H3 are on my personal douchebag honor roll and will probably remain there forever. What are my reasons for having such strong feelings? I’m glad you asked.

Top 5 reasons H2’s and their owners should be hated:

1) Hummers are owned by way too many soccer moms. (why do they need to drive around in a tank, do you somehow get a better table at Too Jay’s?)

2) Hummers somehow convince their owners that they no longer need to consider others while parking and driving their tanks.

3) They couldn’t afford a real Hummer.

4) Most are cheap bastards who basically use their hummers as a write off.

5) Have I mentioned that they look like tanks?

Now the offender shown below has enabled me to take my "hummer hatred" to a whole new level, by placing a hospice license plate on their monstrosity.


Sample: Hospice License Plate





Take a close look at their license plate. Their digits have been removed, in order to respect their privacy, so please don't send them any hate mail.



Everyday is a gift? Isn’t that the same as saying, “stop and smell the roses”? H2’s on average produce 3.4 metric tons of carbon emissions each year, nearly double of the usual sedan.

I am thrilled that the driver is appreciating everyday on this green earth, but can't help but wonder if they even acknowledge the simple facts. Their tank is polluting the environment, killing my lungs and directly contributing to the global warming and graying of our world.

Aside from Boca Raton, where else can people brazenly display their self-centered purchases while spreading butterfly hope on their license plates.

So, stop and smell the roses, but watch out... that tank may be headed in your direction!

Blatant Beach

So I experienced another Blatant Boca moment this weekend. On Saturday, I woke up, putzed around la casa for a bit and decided to head over to the beach, Spanish River Beach to be exact.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the elderly were complaining, it was the sort of day that could make even the most uptight of snowbirds smile.

I picked out my proverbial “spot” to park myself, there was plenty of room to the left and right of my locale for any loud groups which tend to need larger areas for their shenanigans, so I felt I was fully protected against noise and any frisbees mishaps that may occur. I proceed to unload my goods, baste myself with oil and recline in my new lounger, life is good. I am just beginning to enjoy the cancer-causing rays, when suddenly a group of about 30 people start walking to the shoreline.

I feel myself becoming annoyed; the madding crowd is fully dressed and louder than a runaway train. There are some toddlers running in and out of the water, a few stragglers talking loudly on their cell phones (there is no other way in Boca) and everyone who was previously relaxing seaside, is currently wondering what the heck is going on… Just then I see them, 2 priests amongst the chaos, it dawns on me that what I am about to become witness to a Boca Baptism. My only knowledge of a Baptism comes from a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, which wasn’t particularly amusing.

My emotions simmer down, I am not religious, but I do respect and try to understand the views of those who are bible thumpers. Suddenly it hits me, this is not your average baptism. There are tots running and screaming, there are about 10 people talking way too loud on their phones and discussing their plans after the blessed event. Cell phones, screaming, is nothing sacred? Can I mention the hooting and hollering that took place during the actual event? It was indeed a Blatant Boca Baptism.

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